Dear Parents:

Congratulations! You are beginning one of the most challenging and important jobs you will ever have -- parenthood. It's normal to feel a bit nervous or scared, especially if this is your first child. Each monthly issue of Great Beginnings will give you tips to help make the job of parenting easier and more rewarding.

By understanding your child's needs, you are likely to be able to relax a little and enjoy your ever-changing baby. Savor these precious moments!

Sincerely,

Patricia Tanner Nelson, Ed.D.
Family and Child Development Specialist

What It's Like to Be a Newborn

• I need someone to love me, feed me, hold me, and play with me.
• I like to feel warm, and I don't like lots of noise.
• I like to be held gently and very close.
• I like to sleep a lot.
• I am hungry every few hours.
• I may be fussy and cry a lot.
• I am usually red and wrinkly.
• My head is large and my arms and legs are short.
• When you hold me, place your arm under my neck to help support my head.
• I keep my arms and legs curled up and my fists closed.
• My skin may be flaky.

What It's Like To Be a Preemie

• My skin may be almost transparent and may change in color.
• I may be a little floppy because my muscles are not developed.
• I may be covered with a thin layer of hair.
• My outer ear may not be fully developed.
• I will look more like a full-term baby when I am 40 weeks old from the time the pregnancy began.
• I may not be able to suck, or I may have trouble sucking and swallowing at the same time.
• I may not cry very much. When I do cry it has a different sound than a full­term baby.

Brothers and Sisters

Spend time with your other children.

Try not to let the newborn become the total focus of attention.

Involve the children in caring for the baby.

Help them recognize how the baby responds to them. Read books to the siblings about a baby joining the family.

Everyone is affected by having a new family member.

Encourage the children to talk about both the good and bad parts of having a new baby.

Babies Are Talented

Newborns are able to do many things.

Even in these early days, they are learning about what happens around them.

Newborns can see shortly after birth.

They see best when objects are about 8 inches away from the face. They enjoy looking at adults. Newborns can see black and white and bright colors, like red and yellow.

Newborns can hear.

They react to sounds by blinking their eyes, waking from sleep, crying, or moving their whole body. They like hearing a human voice and will move in rhythm to talking or singing.

Newborns can taste and smell also.

They like warm objects better than cold ones. They can even recognize your smell.

Newborns are born with reflexes.

Reflexes are behaviors that help them survive and learn. Look for your baby to have these reflexes.

• Stroke the corner of the baby's mouth. The baby will turn her head to root, looking for a nipple.
• Place a finger or nipple in the baby's mouth. She will suck.
• Press on the palm of the hand and watch for the baby's hand to close.
• Press on the ball of the foot and watch for the toes to flex.

If you don't see these reflexes in your baby, mention this to your doctor.

Newborns get used to what usually happens.

They learn not to wake up to sounds that are made often. They stop paying attention to something that happens over and over again. Instead, they will pay attention to new things.

A Baby's Crying Patterns

Crying is the way your baby tells you what he needs.

When you respond to his cries, you not only make the baby happy, but you are teaching your baby to trust.

You may expect a newborn to cry 2 to 3 hours a day. Preemies may cry as much as 6 hours a day. Most babies have a fussy time each day. It is stressful to parents when a baby cries, especially when he cries for a long time.

What can you do to help your crying baby?

• Check to see if the baby is hungry, wants to burp, needs a diaper change, or has a temperature and could be ill. Sometimes, infants cry when there is a lot of noise.
• Encourage the baby to calm down by himself. Help him find his thumb or pacifier. Some infants calm down to rhythmic motion such as rocking, walking, or riding in a car or stroller.
• Try holding him and gently stroking his face or body.
• Try a variety of positions. Rather than holding him in your arms and looking at him, try sitting him in your lap facing away from you and give him your clean finger to suck on.
• Sometimes babies find it easier to relax if they are swaddled.
• Place the baby in a quiet, dim room.

Sometimes nothing works!

When you take him in the quiet, darkened room, try to soothe him for about five minutes. If this doesn't work, you may just have to put the baby down and let him cry. Let him cry for 10 to 20 minutes. If he continues to cry, take a deep breath, pick him up, and try again.

Talk to Your Newborn

Tell him what is going to happen before you do something.

Say, Is your diaper wet? Yes, it is. I need to change you. Let me get this wet one off and then I'll get the dry one on. There, does that feel better? Good. Now let's . . ."

By the end of this month, your baby will show you that he recognizes your voice. He will look at you or squirm when he hears your voice.

Give Your Newborn a Chance to Move

A baby needs to be placed in a variety of positions to develop strong muscles.

When Baby is awake, let her have time to lie on her back and her stomach.

Give her something to look at and soon she will be able to lift her chin and then her whole head. Let her sit in an infant's chair.

Let's Play. . . Help Me Learn

A baby learns by playing.

She depends on you to play with her. Even at this young age, Baby will try to tell you that she wants to play. When she is giving you this message, be ready to play.

The best time to play is when your baby is awake and alert.

Her eyes will be open and bright, her face relaxed and alert, and her breathing regular. Now it's time to play. At the beginning you must "catch" these moments. They don't happen very often and they don't last long.

A baby likes to look at faces.

First, make eye contact. When the baby looks at you, begin to talk. Say, Look at you. You're gorgeous! If the baby continues to look at you, keep talking.

If the baby stops looking at you and if you want to play some more, try to get the baby's attention by changing the pitch or rhythm of your voice. Call her by name. When she looks at you again, make faces, smile, and laugh. Remember to stay about 8 inches from the baby's eyes. This is where she can see you best.

It is not useful to play with a baby who is crying or who is trying to wake up or trying to go to sleep.

When someone is not around to play with your baby,

have some brightly colored fabric, pictures, or ribbons on the baby's crib or other places where the baby spends a lot of time. Using the eyes will strengthen the muscles and help Baby learn about this new world. Remember, though, attach the items safely and securely.

Make Each Ride a Safe Ride

Being in a car safety seat is the only safe place for an infant when traveling in a car.

Always put the infant safety seat in the car's back seat.  NEVER put an infant in a car seat in the front seat of a car with passenger side airbags.  Airbags are deadly to infants and small children.

Infants need to ride in the back seat of the car—facing the back window of the car—until they reach at least one year AND at  least 20 pounds.  Some car seats will now hold children rear-facing until they reach 30 or 35 pounds.

Read the instructions for the car seat.

Follow them to properly install the seat in your car. It is recommended that a nationally certified Child Passenger Safety Technician check your child's safety seat.  Call your local highway patrol or fire station for information.

If you have a passenger-side air bag, place your child in the back seat every time your child is in the car.

Children should remain in the back seat of the car until they are 12 years of age if there is an airbag in the front passenger seat.  This is a Delaware law and it's your child's life.  Car crashes are the biggest cause of child deaths.

When a Child Is Born with a Disability

The news brings feelings of shock and sadness.

In a world where many conditions can be cured, it is hard to accept that a baby may have a condition that can be treated but not cured.

The news brings feelings of anger and depression.

The anger can be directed at those who bring the bad news, such as doctors and nurses. Parents may also be angry at family and friends for their possible lack of support and understanding.

The news brings anxiety and fear.

Being a new parent is a challenge in itself, but being the parent to a baby with special needs is even more overwhelming!

Parents and friends will experience many emotions.

Emotions are healthy reactions to difficult situations. These emotions will not disappear. It is important that parents accept their feelings and use the coping skills they have developed over the years. This will help the family to go on with life!

Feeding Times

Some babies may like to eat every 3 or 4 hours and some prefer eating more often than that. Newborn babies drink only breast milk or formula and water.

Keeping track of when your baby is hungry may give you an idea of your baby's feeding pattern. It may help to write down the times that the baby eats for several days to see what her pattern of eating is. Newborns change and grow quickly, so a flexible but predictable schedule is best.

Remember, your baby may not be hungry every time she is fussy. She may need burping, a diaper changed, or she may just want to be held.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is a nutritious, healthy, and economical way of feeding your baby.

Nurse whenever your baby shows that he is hungry -- at least 8 times a day. Let Baby decide how long each feeding will be.

Take your time to feed Baby. As you relax and as the baby sucks, your milk will flow. Being tense and uptight can affect the natural flow of milk.

Be comfortable when you are nursing Baby. You can either sit or lie down, whichever is more comfortable for you. Have a place to put the items that you will need while you are nursing. Some mothers put these items in a basket; some keep everything on a table.

Ask for help when you have questions or concerns about breastfeeding.

A mother­to­mother support group or lactation consultant can help to answer your questions or find a solution to a problem.

Bottle Feeding

Formula comes in three different forms:

powdered formula, concentrated formula, and ready-to-feed Formula. Whichever formula you use, follow instructions carefully.

Use a measuring cup to measure the water to be mixed into the powdered or concentrated formulas.

Make sure that bottles and nipples are washed and clean before using again.

Some babies are allergic to a formula.

If you think your baby has an allergy, talk with your doctor so the formula can be changed.

When you bottle-feed your baby, keep the nipple full of formula so she doesn't swallow air.

Hold your baby close with her head up. Don't leave your baby alone with the bottle propped up, and don't put her to bed with a bottle. The baby could choke on the milk.

Baby's Sleeping Habits

They don't know the difference between day and night, so they will wake up during the night.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and the U.S. Public Health Service recommend that healthy infants be placed on their back. This sleeping position helps to reduce the risk of your baby's dying from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). SIDS is the leading cause of death in infants one month to one year old.

WARNINGS:

• Do not cover the child with too many blankets.
• Never use a pillow.
• Do not place an infant on an adult water bed. Your child could suffocate!

Start a Memory Book

Keep a diary so you can remember the highlights of Baby's growth.

Write down notes about the happy, upsetting, and funny times.

Some parents find it easier to keep notes if they jot down phrases from time to time on a calendar. If you keep the calendar in your kitchen or by your bed, you may be more likely to find the time to make notes.

Baby Blues

This can happen to mothers and fathers, and may be nothing more than the let down most of us feel after a long-awaited event has come and gone.

There is also the worn­down feeling that follows any sudden change in schedule -- like those 2 a.m. feedings. Most parents have these feelings.

You will recover your energy and good humor in time. In the meantime, keep your days as simple as possible.

Only do what you have to do. Don't expect a great deal of yourself. Accept help from other people. Plan to nap when your baby does. Try to be flexible.

When you are having a rough time:

Talk to your partner, a family member, or a good friend about your feelings. It helps to talk with someone close to you.

Find parent groups in your community where parents get together to talk and work out solutions to common problems.

If nothing seems to help and this goes on for several weeks, call your doctor. For some people, medical help is needed.

This newsletter has been prepared with the assistance of Dr. Penny Deiner, Department of Individual and Family Studies, University of Delaware, Marie Anne Aghazadian, Executive Director of the Parent Information Center, and Dr. Julie Boozer, chairperson, Wesley College Department of Nursing. This newsletter has been adapted from materials prepared by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the National Cooperative Extension System, including those prepared by Dr. Vivian Halverson, University of Hawaii, Dr. Dorothea Cudaback, University of California, Dr. Shirley Bryant, University of Arizona, and Polly Spedding for Cooperative Extension, Cornell University.

Rev. 3/95
GB-NB
4/22/97

Pat Tanner Nelson

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