Cooperative Extension

When Problems Seem Too Big To Solve

Depression is one of the world’s oldest and most common ailments.  Millions of Americans suffer from this, “the common cold of mental illness.” You may know of people in your family or community who may be suffering from depression. Knowing the symptoms of depression may help you save a life.

Some farmers may be more prone to being depressed than others. Many experts believe depression grows out of a combination of factors: the body chemistry of some people makes them prone to depression and then something in the life situation happens to trigger the depression.

This triggering event is different for different people, but it is often linked to some kind of loss--such as the loss of a loved one, of a job, crop, or loan.

According to Dr. Robert Fetsch, Colorado Cooperative Extension, not everyone has the same symptoms when they’re depressed.  Some people have many symptoms, others have only a few.  Here are some signs of depression: 

·        Appearance – sad face, slow movements, unkempt look

·        Unhappy feelings – feeling sad, hopeless, discouraged, or listless

·        Negative thoughts – “I’m a failure, “I’m no good,” No one cares about me.”

·        Reduced activity – “I just sit around and mope.”  “Doing anything is just too much effort.”

·        Reduced ability to concentrate.

·        People problems – “I don’t want to see anyone and I don’t want anybody to see me.”

·        Guilt and low self – esteem -- ”It’s all my fault;” “I should be punished.”

·        Physical problems – sleeping, weight loss or gain, decreased sexual interest or headaches. 

·        Suicidal thoughts or wishes – “I’d be better off dead,” “I wonder if it hurts to die.”

Take Action!

Depression is often relieved by participation in activities (examples: church attendance, daily farm chores, attending agricultural meetings). Combine these structured activities with opportunities to release the turbulent feelings that often accompany depression. 

·        Get busy doing things you previously enjoyed.  Don’t cut yourself off from family and friends.  Attend activities with others – even if you don’t feel like talking or going out.

·        Stay active.  Counteract the physical slowdown of depression by exercising (walking, jogging, bowling)

·        Watch your diet.  Eat a balanced diet to keep your energy level high.

·        Read.  There are many self-help books and pamphlets to help you understand your emotions and overcome problem areas in your life.

·        Answer these questions:  Do I really want to change?  What benefits do I get from being depressed?  Do I really want to feel and live this way for the rest of my life?  

Seek help if you….

·        Are thinking about suicide.

·        Are experiencing severe mood swings.

·        Think your depression is related to other problems that require professional help.

·        Think you would feel better if you talked with someone.   

·        Don’t feel in control enough to handle things yourself.

To find help….

·        Ask people you know (your physician, a trusted nurse, your pastor) to recommend a good therapist. 

·        Try mental health centers (usually listed under mental health services in the telephone directory).

The Mobile Crisis Intervention Services has telephone help and an emergency mobile unit. Call 1-800-345-6785 if you live in Kent or Sussex Counties.  If you live in New Castle County, call 1-800- 652-2929

Contact has a telephone help line.  Call 761-9100 in New Castle County or 1-800-262-9800 in Kent and Sussex Counties.

How Do You Live With a Depressed Person?

Depressed people can be very difficult to be around, and yet they need more than the usual amount of support and understanding from their friends and family.

The anger and lack of concern that a depressed person may have for people close to him or her can be very disturbing to someone who’s trying to help. At such times, the sincerity of a friend or family member is questioned when the depressed person doesn’t feel worthy of someone’s friendship. Withdrawal from others can make it nearly impossible to encourage a depressed person to enter into activities that may help pull him or her out of the depression. 

It is frequently difficult for a depressed person to carry on a conversation.  Attempts to help may be met with defensiveness and verbal attacks.  Frequently questioning him or her about the condition may be met with crying or shrugs, simply because the person really doesn’t know what is wrong.  Reassurance is important, although it can become a drain on the encouragers.

While being supportive and understanding, the friend or family member must be careful not to do too many things for the depressed person.  There is a very thin line between being supportive and being overly protective.  Too much “doing for” can be a disservice.  Performing too many tasks for someone who “just can’t seem to get things done” can bring about great dependency and guilt over being indebted to someone else.

You can best help a friend or relative who is depressed by considering the following points:

·        Do not moralize. Don’t pressure him or her to “Put on a happy face,” or to “Snap out of it.”  Often the person will feel even worse after hearing such statements.

·        When you are alone with your depressed friend, you might say something like, “I’ve noticed lately that you seem down.  I care about you and would like to listen to what you’re thinking about.”  Then be a good listener.  

·        Don’t say, “I know exactly how you feel.”  You probably don’t.  But if you’ve had similar experiences, sharing those may help.  Say things like, “This happened to me.  It might help you.” Or “I know some of what you must be feeling.” 

·        Urge him or her to get professional help if necessary. Offer to accompany your friend to the first visit if it will be easier for the person. 

·        Listen and watch for signs or threats of suicide. Sometimes people who are thinking about killing themselves give away cherished belongings or say something like “After I’m gone…”

“Are the insurance policies up-to-date?”  “Would you take care of my pet if…”  If you think suicide is an immediate possibility, do not leave your friend. Contact a mental health professional for help as quickly as you can. 

Depression is a common problem. Everybody has a “bum day” now and then, but if you or someone you love feels blue or down day after day, it may be depression. There is a way to get better. Learn the symptoms of depression and how it affects a person, and then take action for a positive future.

Remember the Keys to Stress Management to Help Prevent Depression. 

Researchers suggest that these are the most important stress management techniques: 

1. Reduce demands until you can feel in control.

2. Know where you’re going--have a clear sense of your goals and priorities.

3. Keep your body healthy and strong by eating right, exercising vigorously, and getting restful sleep and relaxation.

4. Think positive; turn problems into challenges.

5. Use your energy to solve your problems, rather than trying to escape from them.

6. Maintain a strong support group with your family and good friends.

7. Find the right amount of stress for you--it can be a valued friend.

Adapted from materials prepared within the National Cooperative Extension System--including the Farm Stress Series, written by Dr. Robert J. Fetsch, Cooperative Extension, University of Kentucky.  Distributed by Dr. Patricia Tanner Nelson for Cooperative Extension, University of Delaware. 

Cooperative Extension Education in Agriculture and Home Economics, University of Delaware, Delaware State University and the United States Department of Agriculture cooperating.  John C. Nye, Dean and Director.  Distributed in furtherance of Acts of Congress of March 8 and June 30, 1914.  It is the policy of the Delaware Cooperative Extension System that no person shall be subjected to discrimination on the grounds of race, color, sex, disability, age or national origin.

September, 2000 

No. 200