Cooperative Extension

Smart Farmers Manage Stress—They Don’t Let It Manage Them

A characteristic of farmers who manage their stress well is that they have people they can turn to for emotional support.

This support might come from family, church members, friends, or other farmers who have experienced the same kind of stress.

Talk about problems to someone who cares. Don’t keep anxiety and worry bottled up.  

  Good stress managers use and give support.

            They develop friendships with others for help and comfort during the good and bad times. This may be one of the most important stress management strategies. Regular, informal get-togethers with friends can be a lifesaver. 

As one farmer says, “Around the table is where you get the gripes out. And you always find that there’s somebody who’s got a worse problem than you.” 

Researchers have found that persons lacking close relationships are four times as likely not to live their normal life expectancy as those with close relationships. This holds true for both men and women.   

Good Stress Managers Give and Receive Emotional Support

Researchers at Cornell have been studying 20 farm families intensively since 1967. 

One-third of the farm wives say they feel under heavy stress because they feel that their roles as wives, mothers and farm workers conflict with each other. Women with supportive husbands reported less role conflict than those without supportive husbands.   

A characteristic of happily married couples is the presence of strong internal support system.  

These marriages are therapeutic, “helping” relationships, in which partners give each other support, reassurance and personal validation--which in turn contributes to a sense of security and self-confidence in dealing with the demands of daily living.  The “counseling” that effective spouses provide for each other was studied by researchers Pearlin and Johnson: 

“What we have learned suggests that marriage can function as a protective barrier against the distressful consequences of external threats. Marriage does not prevent economic and social problems from invading life, but it apparently can help people fend off the psychological assaults that such problems otherwise create. Even in an era when marriage is a fragile arrangement between couples, its capacity to protect people from the full impact of external strains makes it a surprisingly stable social institution.” 

In general, married people tend to be healthier, happier, and live longer than singles.  Recent research suggests, however, that social attachment and social support are more important than marital status in predicting happiness and well-being.

In other words, you need to have one or two really good friends.  You need to have someone you can talk with regularly--to share your problems, concerns, and joys.  You need to have someone with whom you give and receive emotional support.

When you realize that you’re under stress, it often helps to talk over your feelings and perceptions with a faithful friend or spouse. 

You can check out your perceptions with questions like, “Is this what you saw (or heard)?” Let others know about problems you are trying to solve. Maybe they can help you think of possible solutions.

Farm husbands and wives tend to rate their marriages as happier than non-farm spouses. This may be because farm families spend a lot of time working together. But the crucial ingredient in a happy marriage is the quality of the communication. 

Key factors found in good communication in marriage include: 

• Sending clear, direct messages.

• Listening actively for feelings and thoughts of partner.
• Expressing respect and esteem to spouse.

When couples that say they are happily married are compared to those who think they are unhappily married, happily married couples: 

1. Express more affection.

2. Disclose more about themselves to their spouse.

3. Are more tolerant of their spouses.

4. Provide more encouragement and concern for each other.

5. Do more things for each other and give to each other.

6. Have fewer feelings for each other they do not express

Incredibly enough, unhappily married couples apparently feel much the same love for each other that happily married couples do, but they fail to express this affection to each other. 

Talking over your problems with your spouse or a good friend can give you a fresh perspective and ideas for new solutions.

Families under severe stress often withdraw from church and community activities because they feel embarrassed and pressed for time.  But this is when you need your church and friends the most.

Remember that one of the things stress does to your mind is that it makes you feel paranoid and it makes it hard to see your alternatives and options.

There are a number of strategies that you can use to manage stress to enhance your productivity and decision--making ability. Some of the most important techniques are to:

1. Reduce demands until you feel in control of the situation.

2. Know where you’re going--have a clear sense of your goals and priorities.

3. Keep your body healthy and strong by eating right, exercising vigorously, and getting restful sleep and relaxation.

4. Think positive; turn problems into challenges.

5. Use your energy to solve your problems, rather than trying to escape from them.

6. Maintain a strong support group with your family and good friends.

7. Find the right amount of stress for you--it can be a valued friend.

Adapted from materials prepared within the National Cooperative Extension System--including the Farm Stress Series, written by Dr. Robert J. Fetsch, Cooperative Extension, University of Kentucky.  Distributed by Dr. Patricia Tanner Nelson for Cooperative Extension, University of Delaware.

Cooperative Extension Education in Agriculture and Home Economics, University of Delaware, Delaware State University and the United States Department of Agriculture cooperating.  John C. Nye, Dean and Director.  Distributed in furtherance of Acts of Congress of March 8 and June 30, 1914.  It is the policy of the Delaware Cooperative Extension System that no person shall be subjected to discrimination on the grounds of race, color, sex disability, age or national origin.

September, 2000

No. 108