Cooperative Extension

Good Stress Managers Spend Time With Their Families

  Help family members learn to give each other the emotional support they need.

Teach them that we each need to know every day that we’re loved and cared for.  Unfortunately, this kind of support only lasts a day or two. We’ll all need a fresh set of praise and compliments by tomorrow. 

If you feel you are not getting enough attention and praise, ask for it.

One unappreciated mother piped up one night with, “Nice dinner, Mom!” and her shocked teenagers and husband got the idea and learned to give her regular praise and appreciation. 

Help your family take notice of successes.

Our human tendency is to focus on our failures.  To have a realistic idea of our potential, we need to have ways of “registering” our successes as well as our failures.  We do the best job of capitalizing on our resources when our self-esteem is high.   

Well dear, today I updated the farm records. Tomorrow  

I’ll finish canning!   Great!  Today I repaired the tractor.  Tomorrow I'll finish baling!

 

Avoid “what if...” fantasies and “if it wasn’t for…” regrets.

Think about what’s happening now. 

Ask for what you want directly: “What I’d like from you is…” 

The other person is free to say yes or no. 

Check what another person really wants from you.

This is a good way to get expectations out in the open. 

Spend 30 minutes each week alone with each family member. 

Talk with, listen to and enjoy each other. Get to know each other as a special person. Husbands and wives who spend a regular “night out” away from the kids find this time together as a couple is important for the growth of the whole family. 

Plan a family fun time each week.

Try to do something everyone can enjoy and benefit from. Make your own traditions. Schedule an annual family get--together at a nearby lake or park. Or go camping together. Get involved. Let children share in the decision about where to go and what to do. Organize a ball game with new rules and handicaps so that in the end everybody feels good. 

It’s very natural to want to isolate yourself when you’re under too much stress, but one of the healthiest things you can do is to purposefully plan to spend time together as a family. Make a date to go on a picnic, build a snowman, take a walk or wash the car together.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

          I think it's time we got away together.  How about a camping trip this weekend?

Strong Families Have Good Conflict Management Skills

It’s a myth that strong families don’t fight. They do. They just know how to handle the situation so that after the differences are aired, people can quickly “make up” and be good friends again.

 

 

 

   

        I want my steak done – not cremated!   

Beware!!  Blaming is Harmful to Everyone’s Health 

Stressed-family members often start blaming each other. When this starts happening in your family, recognize it as a stress overload danger signal, and work to help bring everyone’s stress level down. 

Some families set their kitchen timer for 10 minutes when they spot anger or blaming. The rules: 

At the end of the ten minutes, see if everyone has calmed down enough to talk and problem solve constructively again.

Mutual enjoyment and closeness are among the benefits when parents, grown children and grandchildren farm side by side.  However, conflicts may arise that develop into stressful situations. 

For example, a father may hold fast to a traditional farming method while his son may push for a new one.  A mother may find herself in the role of messenger between the two generations who have stopped talking to each other.   Such lack of direct communication can lead to even deeper misunderstandings.  

When two and three generations work closely on a farm, tensions over a person’s need for privacy may result.  Allowing grown children the space they need to learn to function as independent adults is imperative.

Sharing decisions, asking for what you want, listening well, and resolving conflicts quickly can decrease stress among generations farming together.  Clarifying family member’s roles and responsibilities can reduce much stress in an intergenerational family.  Make sure everyone understands clearly what is expected of him or her.

 

Text Box: 90% of the friction of daily life is caused by the wrong tone of voice.

 

 

 

   

 

  

Remember 

There are many strategies you can use to manage stress to enhance your productivity and decision making skills.  Some of the most important techniques identified by researchers are to: 

  1. Reduce demands until you feel you are in control of the situation.
  2. Know where you’re going--have a clear sense of your goals and priorities.
  3. Keep your body healthy and strong by eating right, exercising vigorously, and getting restful sleep and relaxation.
  4. Think positive; turn problems into challenges.
  5. Use your energy to solve your problems, rather than trying to escape from them.
  6. Maintain a strong support network with your family and good friends.
  7. Find the right amount of stress for you--it can be a valued friend.
  8.  

Adapted from materials prepared within the National Cooperative Extension System--including the Farm Stress Series, written by Dr. Robert J. Fetsch, Cooperative Extension, University of Kentucky.  Distributed by Dr. Patricia Tanner Nelson for Cooperative Extension, University of Delaware.

Cooperative Extension Education in Agriculture and Home Economics, University of Delaware, Delaware State University and the United States Department of Agriculture cooperating.  John C. Nye, Dean and Director.  Distributed in furtherance of Acts of Congress of March 8 and June 30, 1914.  It is the policy of the Delaware Cooperative Extension System that no person shall be subjected to discrimination on the grounds of race, color, sex, disability, age or national origin.

September, 2000 

No. 107